Log in

No account? Create an account
September 2009   01 02 03 04 05 06 07 08 09 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30

30 Things About My Invisible Illness You May Not Know

Posted on 2009.09.01 at 12:38
Current Mood: optimisticoptimistic
1. The illness I live with is: Anxiety Disorder & Depression Disorders

2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: the exact diagnoses changed a couple times over the years, but i was first officially diagnosed in highschool

3. But I had symptoms since: Since i was a young kid, I don't remember a time I didn't have these problems, although I am told I started acting this way around the time real social awareness kicks in. The depression has waned, but the anxiety disorder has gotten 100 times worse since I because an adult. Would you believe it, normal teenage anxiety mixed with honest bouts of depression was easier to handle than my current anxiety disorder.

4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: creating a safety net

5. Most people assume: I'm just looking for attention or need to be the center of attention

6. The hardest part about mornings are: getting out of bed

7. My favorite medical TV show is: St Elseware or Scrubs

8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: My iPhone {only because I don't think PC counts as a gadget}

9. The hardest part about nights are: not being able to sleep

10. Each day I take 3 pills & vitamins. (No comments, please)

11. Regarding alternative treatments I: strongly believe they can help SOME PEOPLE. after going through a few medications, and watching my mom go through a long sting of them, I gave up on traditional medications for myself for my anxiety

12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: I'm honestly not sure, both have many cons, but i supposed invisible because sometimes I can actually hide it.

13. Regarding working and career: I dropped out of college because I was having panic attacks and couldn't handle actually going to class anymore. That made getting a job very hard, other than retail. Eventually I quit working altogether because I was having panic attacks constantly when dealing with customers, and anxiety about my coworkers.

14. People would be surprised to know: Oddly, I'm an extrovert - so it is easier to live a life with friends I can see all the time online instead of face to face.

15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: losing so many friends, and not remembering how "normal" people make friends.

16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: I flew to Portland Oregon and then to San Diego without my husband {who is my safety net} And spent a week at comic con sometimes with friends from my virtual community, but sometimes - and this is where the real pride is - I was off on my own meeting celebs or artists. Walking around that floor, with allllll those people. Not one panic attack!!!

17. The commercials about my illness: Make me feel ashamed for not continuing with conventional medications to make me "normal".

18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: my independence - I often find it nearly impossible to do even the little things like go to 7-11 alone.

19. It was really hard to have to give up: Time with my friends. The friends I used to spend a lot of time with don't really get it, and some get offended I'm not around or I don't make the effort to go out and see them {and in return they don't make the efforts to come and see me}. They don't really get how much mentally/emotionally it takes to go out and do stuff sometimes. Other times, I'm fine, which doesn't help their comprehension of what is going on with me. I'm usually pretty good with people coming to my house, home field advantage I suppose. Anyway, I've lost a lot of friends.

20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: Alternate Reality Gaming

21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: Have an adventure...

22. My illness has taught me: I am stronger than I ever imagined, and I have over come a LOT.

23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is: When people call me a drama queen or admit a refusal to understand or sympathise because I am not on conventional medications.

24. But I love it when people: spend time with me on my terms, or accept me for who I am disorder and all...

25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: No Regrets!

26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: Take it one day at a time, and let yourself fall apart sometimes. Give yourself a break, even if no one else does. When your world feels like it is falling apart, step back and rise above it.

27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: how many people don't consider my illness valid.

28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was: Hold me, talk to me, allow me to vent and not judge me. Doesn't sound like much, but it is the nicest thing anyone CAN do for me.

29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because: Not only do I have invisible illnesses, but Many of my friends do as well. Most invisible illnesses are not Mentally related. One friend has Sjogren’s Syndrome, which is an autoimmune disease. About 50% of Americans have an invisible illness. we don't HAVE to feel so damned alone.

30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: Hopeful, that you might understand better.

Find out more about National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week and the 5-day free virtual conference with 20 speakers Sept 14-18, 2009 at www.invisibleillness.com



Posted on 2009.03.11 at 04:43
Current Mood: distresseddistressed
Often, my Anxiety Disorders give me mild Agoraphobic tendencies. When I think about things like Alabama, Agoraphobia stops sounding bad.

I did something tonight that i SWORE i would never do.

I registered for an account at Codexed.

My reason was really complicated: I was NEVER going to touch the creature that the fall of Diary-X created, because i was SOOOO wounded, and let us face it i still am, by the loss. It has been just about 2 years since Diary-x was lost - i won't get into those details again right this second. Instead I'd like to focus for a moment on the upcoming loss of live journal. Diary-x KILLED me. The thought of losing livejounral filled me with "meh". Meh, can't say LJ is really my fave service, i'm just used to it.. I'm here because that's where everyone else is. Well, that's not true, there's always myspace, but that is FAR from a fave service in my book.  I don't have my own domain anymore - nor would i really want to deal with making my own site.

The more i thought about the reasons i don't really care about the possible upcoming loss of livejournal, and the few reasons i could even care that it stays.... the more i realized i REALLY missed d-x.  So i went to look at codexed. I registered for the beta test. i was sent my code, i signed in, and there we go. that was enough for tonight. Tomorrow, when i have the time i will fully explore the new website.

in the mean time, i'm left with a quandry - i was fucked up for a long time, still feel sad about it, when i think of my memory i lost with diary-x... but here i don't really know if i care other than the poems from once upon a time. do i copy and past each entry i ACTUALLY want to keep to codexed {saving them in word at the same time}? or do i do the livejournal backup and hope i can figure out how to look at them later? It seems silly, but... i've moved journal 4 times in the past 7 years. usually to a journal i already had {as once upon a time all at once i had a d-x, d-land, lj, dj, and two others whose services died and i can't remember the name}. now i have this, myspace {gag} and i guess a codexed.



Posted on 2008.11.05 at 00:45
Current Mood: ecstaticecstatic


Being married does not mean I don't support Gay Rights

Posted on 2008.10.29 at 13:11
Current Mood: calmcalm
Copy this sentence into your LiveJournal if you're in a heterosexual marriage, and you don't want it "protected" by the bigots who think that gay marriage hurts it somehow.


It is worth a watch. Please

Posted on 2008.10.02 at 17:38
Current Mood: hopefulhopeful


7 years later, and you are still in denial???

Posted on 2008.09.11 at 17:08
Current Mood: crankycranky
"We can't let them win"

If I hear that one more time, I'll scream.

Guess what folks, if you still have to say that, 7 fucking years later - THEY DID WIN! The whole point of terrorists and terrorism is to terrorize!!! WE, as a nation, were and are terrorized still. I am not trying to belittle what happened... But use some damned intelligence!!! And yes, while I am fully aware of the controversy surrounding the definition of the word terrorism, no matter what definition you go by - the fact that they affected our daily lives is proof that they won.

Agree with what has happened since then, or not, but you know it is there. "Homeland security" - while *I* don't agree with it - is the epitome of these changes. Witch hunts, hate crimes, invading other countries in the name of "fighting terrorism". Don't tell me they didn't win. Don't tell me they won because *I* let it happen - guess what, didn't have much choice in the matter. The only choice I have is how it affects me, and only me - and the things I can control - which frankly isn't much.

The phrase should be "We have to stop letting a dreadful, horrific event from 7 years ago continue to dictate new changes to our everyday lives while still remembering what happened..." But, I guess that just isn't catchy enough, huh?


An Opinion on CAD {temp public entry]

Posted on 2008.09.10 at 03:30
Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated
Regardless of how you feel about Tim Buckley, or about CTR+ALT+DEL as a comic, I really enjoy it. My dislike for Buckley on a personal level AND my adoration of other comic artists & said artists' [cough]PVP[/cough] work does not interfere with my adoration for CAD. Actually, I should REALLY clarify this as, the main characters of the main plot line of CAD - Ethan, Lucas, Lilah, and Zeke}, not so much the side lines {Chef Brian & Players 1-4}. I have really grown to feel things for them, sympathy & empathy &annoyance & admiration. The types of emotions one feels for characters of any book, TV show, or movie they become engrossed in.

That being said....

OMFG!!! It has become increasingly ever more painful to read CAD recently. I am all for serious story lines, and bringing in a bit of realism to a comic that for all other intents and purposes is purely for entertainment - sometimes as the GEEK versions of dick & fart jokes - but, come on!

I remember when Ethan met Lilah, having his whole world turned around because a girl...played...video games?!? I felt his pain when he fumbled for the right words to declare that he wanted to degfrag her hard drive, because she roxxor’d his world! I was there, when Lilah was so utterly shocked by the beautiful way Ethan proposed {I even shed a tear, no, honestly - I was jealous!}. Who didn't laugh with appreciation when Ethan peed himself as Lilah told him she was pregnant? Even the side story for Winter-een-mas was awesome - there was not a dry eye on the forums. Things were changing, and at first, it was for the better. Ethan struggled with his sudden self-awareness of immaturity, but was trying. Life for Ethan & Lilah was going well.

Lucas, after all he went through with Ashley & Emma, seemed to be having a semi-normal relationship with Kate. There was very little drama - just enough to keep readers interested. It was a little cringe worthy when Kate said she loved Lucas, and he couldn't say it back - not even to mention the coma - but things really seemed to be going well for them.

That's when it happened. I hate to use the term "Jumped the Shark" but, I honestly don't know anything that quite has the meaning I am going for...

Lilah miscarried. It was brutally painful to read about, because it was handled beautifully. Watching Lilah, Ethan, Lucas, and even Zeke struggle to understand what happened - and being there to help each other. And then the joy as we knew it leaves. During a time where more than ever, we WANT more of the main story line, Buckley throws us half asses sidelines. When we do get small glimpses at our disgruntled "family" - Ethan & Lilah are still heavily battling their own demons, as well as the space that is ever growing between them due to Lilah's depression. Lucas finally stands up to Ethan and demands their dynamic change to a more mutual relationship {which isn't for the worse per se, just a change}. Then, Lucas came to terms with some his own issues, and decided he DOES love Kate, and rushes off to tell her - only to have Kate's boy toy greet him at Kate's front door. Lucas then decapitates Zeke! Lilah's ex becomes Ethan's boss at the game store as revenge for a bad history. Ethan tries to tell Lilah, and she accuses him of getting fired before he can speak - showing yet again her growing distain and low expectations for Ethan, with high expectations of his failures.




I! CAN'T! TAKE! THE! FUCKING! SOAP! OPERA! MUCH! LONGER!!!!! And it isn't even a GOOD soap, it is a very, very baaaaaad one. Like I said, I'm all for inserting the serious plot here or there, but alllll gloom and doom in such gratuitous ways??? If you don't plan on ending your comic, must we believe all the characters are suddenly depressed and ready to self combust? Yes, real life isn't always happy scrappy... but aside from those side comics {which Buckley has admitted previously are there to break the pain momentarily} would there be any real humor left in CAD?


5 year old child voted out of classroom by abusive teacher

Posted on 2008.05.27 at 01:35
Current Mood: angryangry

St. Lucie teacher has students vote on whether 5-year-old can stay in class
By Colleen Wixon
Originally published 01:50 p.m., May 23, 2008
Updated 04:30 p.m., May 23, 2008

PORT ST. LUCIE — Melissa Barton said she is considering legal action after her son's kindergarten teacher led his classmates to vote him out of class.

After each classmate was allowed to say what they didn't like about Barton's 5-year-old son, Alex, his Morningside Elementary teacher said they were going to take a vote, Barton said.

By a 14 to 2 margin, the class voted him out of the class.

Barton said her son is in the process of being diagnosed with Aspberger's, a type of high-functioning autism. Alex began the testing process in February for an official diagnosis under the suggestion of Morningside Principal Marsha Cully.

Alex has had disciplinary issues because of his disabilities, Barton said. The school and district has met with Barton and her son to create an individual education plan, she said. His teacher, Wendy Portillo, has attended these meetings, she said.

Barton said after the vote, Alex's teacher asked him how he felt.

"He said, 'I feel sad,'" she said.

Alex left the classroom and spent the rest of the day in the nurse's office, she said.

Barton said when she came to pick up her son at the school on Wednesday, he was leaving the nurse's office.

"He was shaken up," she said. Barton said the nurse told her to talk with the child's teacher, who told her what happened.

Alex hasn't been back to school since then, and Barton said he won't be returning. He starts screaming when she brings him with her to drop off his sibling at school.

Thursday night, his mother heard him saying "I'm not special."

Barton said Alex is reliving the incident.

They said he was "disgusting" and "annoying," Barton said.

"He was incredibly upset," Barton said. "The only friend he has ever made in his life was forced to do this."

The child's mother filed a complaint with the school resource officer, who investigated the matter, said Port St. Lucie spokeswoman Michelle Steele said. But the state attorney's office concluded the matter did not meet the criteria for emotional child abuse, so no criminal charges will be filed, Steele said. Port St. Lucie Police is no longer investigating, but is documenting the complaint, she said.

Steele said the teacher confirmed the incident did occur.

St. Lucie School's spokeswoman Janice Karst said the district is investigating the incident, but could not make any further comment.

Vern Melvin, Department of Children and Families circuit administrator, confirmed the agency is investigating an allegation of abuse at Morningside, but said he could not elaborate.


PLEASE, If you care about me, if you care about my brother, if you care about children, abuse of power, ignorance, special needs... if you CARE at all... Write some letters.... Make some calls... Blog about this, SPREAD THE WORD! Treat this like a chain letter... This cannot be ignored if it is everywhere. We aren't in the dark ages, this is NOT socially acceptable, this is not morally acceptable.

Michael J Lannon - Superintendant - LannonM@stlucie.k12.fl.us
Michelle Steele - Spokesperson - SteeleM@stlucie.k12.fl.us
Janice Karst - Spokesperson - KarstJ@stlucie.k12.fl.us
Marcia Cully - Principal - CullyM@stlucie.k12.fl.us
Wendy Portillo - Teacher - PortilloW@stlucie.k12.fl.us

Carol Hilson - HilsonC@stlucie.k12.fl.us
Dr. Judi Miller - MillerJ@stlucie.k12.fl.us
Dr. John Carvelli - CarvelliJ@stlucie.k12.fl.us
Troy Ingersoll - IngersollT@stlucie.k12.fl.us
Kathryn Hensley - hensleyk@stlucie.k12.fl.us



Another reason i less-than-three randy

Posted on 2008.01.31 at 17:29

Previous 10